Lady in the Water Review

It has been quite some time since I have had the opportunity to put on the sunglasses, ball cap, and fake moustache to sneak out and see a movie with the general public. While watching 'The Lady in the Water' or 'Lady in the Water' if you prefer, I came to realize something. Watching a movie with the goddamned public (and this was in an upscale neighborhood mind you) is a big mistake. I won't do it again, not when I have the 100in. screen with Blue Ray DVD and home theater speakers that cost more than your car.

I've really had it with the public. When the Movie Review Guy says that he's never going to see a movie in the freaking public filth, you can mark his words.

I write Movie Reviews - I don't sit in soda stained chairs and consume stale popcorn. That's what you do.

Movie Review Guy Frequently Asked Questions (Updated)

Submitted by 'derails' on July 18, 2006
Q: I think I may know who you are. I have worked as an extra on some of the movies that you have written about and I'm pretty sure that we have met. Please answer my emails - I would like to meet up.

A: derails, thanks for writing. Are you the 18 year old yoga/pilates instructor who worked as a body double? Are you the 1/2 African American, 1/2 Lebanese poet? Are you the Asian martial arts instructor? Are you the run-away blonde with the killer smile?

My point is, I have made several 'contacts' in the industry and I cannot be expected to stay in touch or even remember each and every one of them. Please do yourself a favor and find another award winning actor to stalk.


Submitted by 'go_f_yourself' on July 27, 2005
Q: I have a date this Friday with a young lady that I'm trying to romance. What movie do you recommend I rent in order to get her in a romantic mood? Thanks.

A: That's funny you should ask! I was dining with a producer friend (huge name in the industry) when he asked me the same question. Like I told him, one of the most 'romantic' movie dates I had was when this no-name actress came over to read lines. About 15 minutes into the reading and 2 glasses of Riuniti later I decided to pop in a Chuck Norris Laser Disc, you know, just to change things up. Delta Force was the name of the film and we didn't even make it through the title before things moved to the bear skin rug.


Submitted by 'dave365' on June 14, 2005
Q: Why do you wish to remain anonymous? Is there any point to this? Who really cares about some 'B' list actor's terrible reviews?

A: Listen, Hollywood can be down right evil if you piss off the wrong people. I created this blog to give an insider's point of view about films. Most of the films I see are screened in professional level studios. While you're sitting there with your blockbuster DVD, just remember that I've already seen it, probably worked with some of the cast, and bedded at least one of the actresses - or maybe even an extra.


Submitted by 'anon' on June 5, 2005
Q: I've read through your site and just have one question. If you are a famous actor, then why are you wasting time reviewing movies on the internet?

A: Good question. Actually, actors/actresses have a lot of time between pictures and lately there have been quite a few (films) that I feel are garbage. I thought that it would be a good idea to give an honest review of these films from somebody inside the business.

The Weather Man Review

I used to love Nicholas Cage. When he married Elvis' daughter, I knew that he was whacked out of his skull. Still a decent actor though. We all know that Cage's best movie is Raising Arizona and I'm not saying this because I worked on the set. I've worked with Cage on several films, we would hit the bars after filming. We had a pretty tight relationship up until Nick married Lisa Marie - He started to make some very poor film choices. I even tried to tell him not to do a couple of movies, but he wouldn't listen. Even after his divorce we have yet to talk. Sometimes I feel like I gave up on him too soon. Maybe with a little bit more counseling from myself Nicholas Cage wouldn't have to do movies like The Weather Man.

Do I feel responsible? Maybe, but I have to move on - There are movies to review.

Transamerica Review

A real man would have no business whatsoever watching a movie like Transamerica. A real man that is also an award winning actor and renowned movie reviewer and studies to perfect his craft would have reason. The acting was solid, but the story was all over the place. Most people (you & the general public) don't know how difficult it is to write screen copy, that is, write a movie script. I've written several and I can say that it is tough - not as tough as acting, but difficult nonetheless.

Should you watch Transamerica? Probably not. If you are a transvestite, then it might be worth a look.